|A major distraction!|
Fatigue. It the kind of tired that "stops in your tracks cause I can't go anymore" feeling unlike any other lethargy I've ever experienced--until PCD (post cancer diagnosis)
This syndrome has been delivered via the medication that is prolonging my life. I'm not complaining, well, yes I am; but when it strikes, collapsing in a nearby bed is the only option until I can return to my "normal" way of living. As the Brits would say, "carry on" and I do with a grudge against this malady I must frequently endure.
Which brings up another type of fatigue I am experiencing. Cancer fatigue. After five years of living with this disease, I am tired of it being forefront not only in my body but also in my mind. My initial diagnosis was a year of hell with chemo, radiation and surgery and the constant side effects. The next year was a recovery year where every day I felt my body being restored until twenty months later I was slammed with a metastatic diagnosis.
It has now been five and a half years of a thinking breathing living cancer existence and I am fatigued by it all. Not only is it physically wearing but the mental part is completely exhausting and distractions do not always trim those thoughts from this overactive brain.
When I do manage a reprieve from...OMG, I HAVE CANCER... I cherish those moments until they creep back into the corners of the brain mass triggering a double whammy of...OMG, I HAVE CANCER...and then it begins again.
I have learned the best way to counteract that state of almost no return, surprisingly enough, is to keep advocating. Unfortunately it is a double edged sword--think about cancer and brainstorm ways to raise money; or not think about cancer and banish those ever present thoughts from my mind ( or will they still linger taunting me more?). I choose to face this *&%^%$ head on--my way--and it does help. It gives me hope that there will be a breakthrough and our fundraising and screaming efforts are getting the message out.
As my astute husband constantly reminds me, "Ride the horse in the direction it is going", so I will get up on my stead and ride until our researchers are confident they can declare metastatic cancers chronic and not a death sentence. It is what I can do to remember Heather, Maggie, Beth, Shannon, Mandi and on and on--all champions of the cause.
Fatigue--bring it on--nothing like a cat nap and Bam! once again I am ready to rally.
Of course I can not conclude this blog without an appeal to donate to our superhero researchers at UW Carbone Cancer Center.
Thanks for reading #531 of 7777.