Thursday, April 25, 2019

#557 Hate Is A Four Letter Word

Loving life despite it all!

The definition of hate according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary is:

"intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury"

I've given some thought lately to the word, "hate".  What does it mean as it seems to be used by people who, with minimum prompting, will declare they hate the _________ (insert any sports team) or they hate winter (understandably after this year's polar vortex siege) or they hate _______________(insert any food that's applicable).  It is such an intense emotion and experienced by all at some point in their lives. 

There are numerous things I truly hate such as bigotry, mice, violence, war-- I could go on and on but after researching the definition of hate I have compiled my utmost hatred of this disease into Mary's Top Ten Things She Hates About Cancer. 

So here we go.  Preface everything with…

                                                         I absolutely hate

10. The changes both physically and mentally from Before Cancer to After Cancer; both have not been for the better.  
9. The time sucking hours of scans, appointments, lab work, worry etc. etc. etc. and the valuable space it takes up in my brain EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
8. Feeling a new pain--could it be the cancer cells going rogue...again?
7. The fear from the next treatment's possible side effects—will they be worse than the present ones? 
6. Hearing about another death in the MBC community.  Heartbreaking and so unnecessary. 
5. My entire 60's decade will be about cancer and not about thoroughly embracing retirement and doing triathlons.
4. Waiting, waiting, waiting for the scans, for the results, for the other shoe to drop.
3. Cautiously making future plans with the never-ending thought of not being around. 
2. The possibility of not seeing my grandchildren’s upcoming milestones or my children's future achievements. 

and the number one reason why

                                              I absolutely hate cancer...

1. The look in the eyes of my BHE (best husband ever) when he hears the word progression and the thought I may not grow old by his side.  Hate it, hate it, hate it with a capital H.

Actually I'm not having a pity party kind of day, just offering a glimpse of what living with this disease feels like every day.  The abbreviated list of ten has been pared down from a million and two reasons cancer is hated by everyone who deals with it on a daily basis.  It is a rotten villainous life sucking malady that, with help from the brilliant researchers and your generous donations, will be eradicated and no one will ever be sorry it is gone.

To work on that eradication piece, please consider a donation to my One Woman Many Lakes—More For Stage IV fund—at the UW Carbone Cancer Center.

Thanks for reading #557 of 7777+.