#547 Get Up!

Sometimes you just have to get out of bed. Last night was one of those nights when the glorious sleep fairies avoided me and as my eyes slowly opened this morning after a nanosecond of sleep I thought staying in the sack might be better for everyone instead of pretending like all was well.  It would have been so much easier to hide and retreat from the world but, alas, I slowly moved from my state of inertia and joined the human race.

Actually having a cancer diagnosis often puts squandering a morning or a whole day out of the realm of possibilities for me.  I feel I must drive myself to grab those awake moments and celebrate the fact that I am still moving and alive.  In my mind I feel this could be my last best day and I would have frittered it away by grabbing a few lost zzzz's. Waste a perfectly good day?  I think not.

Or do I?  Do I have to expect every single day to be proclaimed my last BEST DAY EVER?  That in itself can be overwhelming and just plain exhausting so I will allow myself to let a day slip by without fanfare or celebration.  It really is okay.  The word humdrum can be underrated when defining a monotonous day but if I want to nap, sit and read a book or simply put my feet up and think of nothing, it is absolutely okay.

So this day I did get out of bed, growled a bit about my sleepless night and then let the day present itself.  Was it spectacular?  Actually it was.  On my walk to shake off the cobwebs in my head I was able to view up close and personal a beautiful hummingbird's nest made out of twigs, plant fibers and bits of leaves all woven together with spider silk.   This stunning display of nature was nestled by my neighbor's front door and not only was it exquisite, but the two navy bean sized eggs put me over the top on the "wow" factor.

Yep, this was the BEST DAY EVER and thank goodness I didn't miss it.  The old saying if you snooze you lose seems quite apropos for today's event and one I will remember the next time those sleep fairies disappear and leave me a groggy mess not wanting to get out of bed.  Lesson learned to rise up and greet the day because one never knows what could be right around the corner.

A close up of the eggs

Thanks for reading #547 of 7777.

#546 $333,339!!!!!

http://weknowyourdreams.com/surprise.html

Guess what?  The numbers are in and we are proud to announce the results of our 2017 fundraising efforts. Drum roll, please...  The impressive financial count for the UW Carbone Cancer Center-More For Stage IV fund is a whopping $333,339!  In one year! We are still trying to wrap our heads around this as we pick up our dropped jaws.  How on earth does this happen and what will transpire because of this windfall?

First, it happened due to a group of dedicated people who are committed to helping those of us living with this disease and their desire keep us around longer than the medium life expectancy of three years.  Our friends offered their lovely homes and provided delicious appetizers which then gave us the opportunity to stand on our soapbox to shout out our request for more funding as well as offering an ongoing education of MBC.   At each event our rockstar researchers presented an informative piece on where the research dollars would go to improve our lives.  Stepping out of their labs and onto the stage showed their commitment to the cause and continues to impress us all.

And the money flowed in.  It was gratifying for us to see actual faces of our donors and show our appreciation to them on the spot.  Thousands of dollars were generated each night we held a function and it certainly inspired us to seek out others to join our rally cry.

Because of their generosity we were able to hand over the total sum--100% of each dollar contributed--to our researchers so they can develop new treatments or add to an existing one as it benefits the already metastasized patient.  Tremendous financial help is on the way as they now share their ideas on what to do with the funds. I am in awe of their skills they will use so my beautiful granddaughter will have her Grandma G around to watch her grow up.

But we are not done.  There still is no cure so we can not sit back and pat ourselves on the back for our one year of phenomenal success.  A plan needs to be created on how we can top that ginormous number.  We certainly could use additional ideas and your creativity as we spend the winter brainstorming other ways to raise the bar.  How would you suggest we tackle our next project? Please, help be part of the solution as we navigate through the complex labyrinth of the fundraising world.  I will keep swimming but we need other angles to bring in the dough.  Don't hesitate to suggest something outrageous--all feedback will help us move on to that next level-- unless it is something along the lines of me swimming sans bathing suit.  Not going to happen.

Again, thank all of you for your tremendous ongoing support.  If you haven't donated or would like to be one of the first donators of the year, please send it to More for Stage IV--UW Carbone Cancer Center.  Remember this quote from Anne Frank, "No one has ever become poor by giving".

Thanks for reading #546 of 7777.

#545 A Grumpy Old Bear

Yep, this looks like me.

Some days when I feel like a million bucks it is as if I am back to my old self again.  I crack jokes, smile at the world and jump up and down screaming, "I'm alive, you *&^% cancer cells so back off."  Those are the good days that I embrace and cherish

 because...

When the bad days pop up I feel my eyes crossing and my ornery cantankerous personality surface with a vengeance and watch out to anyone in my path.  I snap at poor Rob (he's learned to stay clear) or criticize my dear friends when all they want to do is help.  It's as if I can't help myself.  I am one gigantic bitch and I want everyone else to feel as miserable as I do.

And I hate it when I'm like that.  That is not me--not the me I remember before cancer.  Yes, I might have had my moments (don't we all?) but nothing, absolutely nothing like what I do now on a bad day.

Anything can trigger those mean son of bitches days--lack of sleep, sore bones, another mets sister dying--you name it the fury will rise out of nowhere and I am ready to knock anyone or anything to the moon and back.

How do I combat this need to slice and dice my good friends or my beloved husband?  Meditation in the morning seems to improve my sour mood for a short time.  Catching myself before I say something hurtful has proven to rid those ugly words on the tip of my tongue when I feel need to spew venom at anyone near me. Exercise can be two fold--either it's that winning sense --I'm on top of my game-- or a depressed --can't do what I used to do and I'm going to hurt someone today--feeling. My goal is to have at least a few good friends left and my loving husband by my side before I kick the bucket, but at times it feels like it might be a wash as everyone will begin to desert this foul mouthed cancer riddled woman before she can make amends.  Let's hope this won't be the case.

Enough!  Tomorrow will be what it will be and if I can stay on top of the pain and the mood swings I might be pleasant enough to either make peace with those loyal friends or at least apologize
in advance for this cranky old hibernating bear.

Love to all (must be a good day for me).

Thanks for reading #545 of 7777.

#544 The Keister Kicker

 Daily Mail--Wish this was me kicking the keister!

On a cold January day six years ago I heard those fateful words, "You have cancer". It's mystifying how our minds work because I vividly remember exactly where I was and who was with me but have little recollection of what was said after hearing the confirmation I was dreading.  Those three little words profoundly changed my life and the lives of my beloved family from that day onward.

Little did I realize it was only the very beginning of a life long relationship with this disease but at the time I was devastated, angry and felt completely out of control.  How could this happen?  Wasn't I a model of good health being physically active and eating right as I prepared for the next phase of life attempting to be on the top of my game?  Cancer, I later found out, does not care what shape or size you are in or if you have eaten kale every day of your adult life.  It is often a random occurrence that stuns its recipients and attempts to knock them off their keister.  And knock me it did.

I eventually learned the nitty gritty details about the diagnosis and discovered that it was a small (the medical team's words) 3 cm tumor which was surgically removed, afterwards the breast was zapped with chemo for six months followed by six weeks of radiation.  It ended up to be an exhausting nine months of terror but when the final rays blasted through my body I was done--a survivor of this ungodly year from hell.

Recovery from the onslaught took more time than I had anticipated but I was thrilled to be able to run a race shortly after the last radiation treatment and began preparing for a triathlon the following June.  I was on a roll and felt cancer was just a blip in the radar of life that was finally over.  Unfortunately my celebration was a short lived "cancer free" existence as twenty months later my oncologist carefully explained what happens next because those nasty cancer cells had metastasized.  Another kick in the old keister but this time it felt like more of a stomp.

Back to this "anniversary" of sorts. On January 6th I will not celebrate my six year cancer diagnosis.  It is the antithesis of a beautiful memory so will simply nod as the day flows by and remember how this gut wrenching disease has not gotten the best of me yet.  I will never be a survivor but I am a thriver and every day I get up, see the sunshine, the clouds or whatever is outside my window and think, "I am not dead yet so turn around you #*$#* cancer because I am kicking your keister as hard  as I can...of course with a little help from my friends. "

To be a keister kicking helper, please donate to UW Carbone Cancer Center.

Thanks for reading # 544 of 7777.

#543 Top Ten Reasons

My #1 reason to keep on keeping on

Tis the season upon us to get our rear in gear for the big year end tax write off.  If you have plans to donate some of your hard-earned cash and want to make sure it goes to a good and worthwhile cause, may I suggest you peruse my ten best reasons where it should be given?

Top Ten Reasons to Give

10. The UW Carbone Cancer Center UW Carbone Cancer Center is one of the leading breast cancer centers in the country.

9.  Drs. O'Regan, Wisinski, Burkard (all are from UW) are three of the brightest and the best researchers around and dedicated to their profession.

8.  Metastatic breast cancer receives less than 7% of all research money except in the More for Stage    IV fund at UW where 100% is given directly to the researchers.

7.  113 will die today because a cure has not been found.

6.  It takes money to keep talented researchers in the field.

5.  Not one more person should have to hear the words, "You have a terminal disease."

4.  Research is our best hope.

3.  Our mothers, daughters, aunts, nieces, men in our lives and friends deserve better.

2.  Maggie, Heather, Mindi, Shannon, Beth... and the rest of the 120,000 who have died since my diagnosis must be remembered as we work towards a future for those of us still living.

And the number one reason why we (Rob and I) are constantly working on raising funds for the UW Carbone Cancer Center:

1.  More time with my precious and beautiful daughter and granddaughter and making sure their future is bright and cancer free.

Thank you for your donation to this worthwhile organization UW Carbone Cancer Center .  Because cancer does not discriminate in race, religion, gender or social status; the life you save may someday be your own or a loved one.

Thanks for reading # 543 of 7777.

#542 Texas, Tummy and Stars--What???

No, I have not taken a brief vacation to some exotic place, however, it does sound tempting right now. Alas, my absence has been due to a gurgling stomach(actually much more graphic than that but I will spare you the details) and a love/hate relationship with the bathroom's white porcelain buddha  during the wee hours of the morning before we were to leave for Texas.  At one point I came to the realization that I would not be on the flight that day to the San Antonio Breast Symposium--largest in the world--no matter how much I was wishing away my rocking and rolling gut.

 This is the second year I've had to abort the mission of going and, to say I was miffed, mad, pissed, furious, incensed, etc. etc. etc. (you get the idea), is an understatement.  My plan was to meet many of the metsters attending to form an alliance when approaching the researchers so they would understand our needs and requests to put us as a priority on research.  I also wanted to learn about the types of treatments on the horizon that may potentially save our lives.

While in a foggy stupor, due to the horrible early morning stages of movement...(TMI), I encouraged Rob to go without me--I would be fine.  I will admit I wasn't fine for a few days but with a little help from my friends I slowly recovered from this nasty stomach virus. While Rob was at the convention, he soaked up all he could to share with me even though his tummy was in a bit of a twist as well.

With plenty of time on my hands I was able to view the video from the pharmaceutical company, Novartis, who had filmed us in our home last spring.  We are our own worst critics so I cringed at my part but the dog and cat come across as shining stars.  Go to Afinitor Stories if you care to see both hubs and me in action...along with the dog and cat.

This is also the time of the year to get your tax deductions so go to UW Carbone Cancer Center and donate this month.  All donations go directly to research so your money will make a difference of making MBC a priority.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart (and gurgling tummy).

Thanks for reading #542 of 7777.

#541 Turkey and The Best of the Trimmings

Thanksgiving 2017 is in the official books as one of the best!  All three of our offspring plus our favorite daughter-in-law and son-in-law and son's girlfriend arrived safely throughout the week with constant celebrations as they slowly appeared at the door .  The much anticipated and beloved granddaughter also made her entrance with her mama and daddy and, if you are a grandparent, you have experienced the feeling of a "grandparent love fest".   Thank goodness my children know they have also been well loved so they didn't feel slighted or ignored--too much-- as I oohed and ahhed over this beautiful little girl.

These memories of bowling, hiking, running the Berbee Derby on turkey day, animal watching at the zoo and just hanging out will be cherished for the year but, alas, a few questions frequently pop up if you are living with cancer.  Will I be here next year?  If I am here will I be able to do the things we did or will I be bed ridden?  What if?  How will?  When????

Fortunately life right now is pretty darn rosy and the continuous upward bound roller coaster ride is one I am fully embracing.  To ponder those pesky questions of what may happen is not productive so a mental adjustment is often required to get back on track of "living in the moment" and basking in my stable state. Besides, the most adorable grandchild...ever...needs her grandma around to watch her grow into those big shoes so the "don't worry, be happy, " mantra has been resurrected.

At our last cancer support group at temple our rabbi read an article titled, 9 Thanksgiving Lessons I Learned From Cancer by Mache Seibel, MD.  I highly recommend taking a few moments today and read--in his words--"some things that aren't taught well in medical books".
9 Thanksgiving Lessons I Learned From Cancer .  If you have a loved one with cancer this may give some insight explaining our actions.

The week after Thanksgiving I still treasure the memories and how thankful I am for family and friends.  You also can delight in this wonderful state of thankfulness by supporting me and my 155,000 friends living with MBC with a donation to UW Carbone Cancer Center (More For Stage IV).  We will continually thank you as if our life depended on it... and guess what?  It does.

Thanks for reading #541 of 7777.