#159 ZZzzzz

I'm fine. Really I am.  But somedays, just some days frustration takes over with a few minor issues caused from my life saving medications that I down every morning.  Insomnia is the worst side effect followed by constant canker sores, diarrhea; and with a few body aches and fatigue thrown in it all equals to an irritable me fifty percent of the time (okay, maybe 60%).

The realities about living with cancer are the unsettling thoughts that it is not a perfect world now--not that it ever was--and the future seems, at times, scarier than pre diagnosis. While I do have moments--an hour or two in a day--that I forget about this disease, it is always lurking close by on my radar screen.  Unfortunately with the lack of sleep those glorious moments of forgetfulness have become as rare as a Badger loss.

On good days no mountain is too high to climb, no lake is too cold to swim and cancer gets overshadowed by the joys in my life.  Those are my grateful days. On the flip side are nights when I stare at the ceiling willing the sleep fairies to please hit me over the head as the cancer fear settles in my gut.  Not so grateful on those days.

So I plug along with giant bags under my eyes, catch a nap when I can and think that if this is the worst part of cancer I can handle it.  Meanwhile as Rob picks up the slack when I'm down, we both relish the days when the nights are kinder and the dark thoughts are momentarily tucked far away
into the deep recesses of my brain.

Thanks for reading #159 of 7777.