Saturday, September 5, 2015

#327 This is Going To Be Ugly

Sleep Fairies
*A warning--I wrote this a few days ago--am fine now and feel a whole lot better but I hate to waste a blog so here goes.

It is the wee hours of the morning and there are no sleep fairies in sight. My thoughts keep going back to why. Why do I feel driven to fight.  I avoid conflict issues like the plague yet I have put myself in a position that I need to speak up.  The interviews do not show my outrage at the injustices of this disease and the lack of caring by the people we elect to protect us.

I don't want to offend so I meekly ask for donations instead of screaming in their faces and demanding more.  Why can't I simply sit back and have someone else fight.  I know why.  Because I can't let this go.  I want to live a long long life.  I want the same for the Heathers, the Maggies and all of us facing this disease.

Making a difference in this life has been my mantra and a few years ago I struggled with how to do that.  Find abandoned puppies homes, volunteer at homeless shelters, save the whales--what?  Why couldn't one of those be my purpose instead of cancer. I can't stop. That's why I can't sleep. I am constantly searching ways to make things right.  Where's the next swim, the next fundraiser, the next what?

I'm struggling with my interviewing skills and how I am not getting my message across. I return home thinking why didn't I say this or that.  No one is getting it and I must try harder.  Be confrontational! Be bold! Be angry! Will that work?  I'm not sure what works and what will wake people up to say, NO MORE CANCER.

It is almost 5AM and my eyes have not shut since 2 so it will be a long day today.  No solutions yet and not sure there will be but I will keep on with my message.  I thought I could simply swim and the followers would come.  Speaking about it is tougher.  Being angry about it when I was brought up to be polite and not make a scene is difficult but I will get better.  There is no other way.

Sorry about the rambling.  There will be no editing on this blog.  This is what life is like now. I will endure.  Until there is no more cancer in this world, we can not stop.


Thanks for reading #327 of 7777.

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